Questions that flight attendants hate!

These are a few questions I hate as a flight attendant.  The answers are of my own thoughts.  Thanks for everyone on facebook who contributed to this blog.

Can I sit in first class?

Where do I start with that? First of all that's rude! If a upgrade is rightfully yours I or the gate agent will come and get you from your seat in coach. When I did work on a aircraft that has first class I used to get really annoyed when non revs would ask me for a upgrade. At this code share I worked on if you wanted first class you listed for it and then you had to pay for it. So let me get this straight when you walk on you want to sit in first class and not pay for it but when I travel I have to pay for first class? Wrong! So just don't ask. Besides us flight attendants really don't have the authority to upgrade so just don't ask the answer will be no!

Is this your normal route?

All though it is a good conversation started I don't like that question. One reason I love my job is because every day is different. If I did the same route every day 5 days a week I would HATE my job! So that's the only reason I don't like that question

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in every city?

What do I look like a slut to you? No!  I can't answer that for every flight attendant but me personally no.

What hotel are you staying at for your layover here in ___ city?

First of all that's creepy! For the security of my crew and myself I am not going to answer that. I'll more then likely lie to you. If you insists on wanting to buy me a drink because I am such a cool and great flight attendant just give me cash!

Are you going to hold my connecting flight?

I honestly cannot answer that question because that is up to the ground operations and the airlines. A lot of factors go into delaying a flight. In most cases on my airline the agents are usually good about backing the connections, meaning if the original flight is missed another flight will be available. The sassy answer is "yes" all connections will be made so I am left alone to do my job which is safety!

What's the score of the game?

Umm we are cruising at 35000 feet, I have no idea! Purchase the wifi and find out (if the aircraft is equipped). Now I've flown with some pilots who will keep up with a big game like the super bowl or world series. I've had some make announcements in flight and the passengers get a kick out of it. But in all seriousness please don't ask that question.

Why didn't you tell us before we got on the plane that we were going to be stopped by ATC?

Air Traffic Control is God. They do what they want when they want and how they want. Usually a ground delay will most likely happen while taxiing out to the runway usually for weather and/or flow. Seriously nothing can be done and because of so much fuss this is where the ground delay program was born.

Can you get me there faster?

Sure, I will need you to go behind the plane and push.  We are doing the best we can people but if weather or air traffic is a factor in travel then you should have planned ahead.  On a snowy and foggy day in PHL we were on our finial approach into the airport.  It was obvious that we had been placed in a holding pattern.  About 20 minutes later we were still circling.  A call light goes off.   I get up to see what was going on.  When I got back to the passenger he looked at me with a straight face and starts yelling how the pilots need to tell everyone why we have not landed yet.  I could understand his frustration however the reality of it was THE PILOTS WERE FLYING THE PLANE.  I looked at him and said "this may come as a shock to you but the pilots are flying the airplane in bad weather, they are a little busy at the moment trying to land us safely."  He demanded a update from the flight deck.  At that point we were in sterile cockpit  (under 10000 feet) and I sure as heck wasn't going to call unless we had a emergency.  He didn't seem to quite understand that the pilots were flying the plane. 

Can I go to the bathroom?

I don't know, can you?  If the seat belt sign is on that's all I a going to tell you. I cannot stop you from using the bathroom, then again I cant give you permission to get up when the seat belt sign is on.  Don't ask just go to the bathroom!  We can remind you over and over the seat belt sign is on.  Inform not force. 

Galley dash

     No this isn't a game. It could just be me or maybe it is a game to the traveling public. When I was in training for my first airline, we were told to never wake a sleeping passenger for a beverage unless other wise requested. I have always gone with that. If anyone has the appearance of sleeping I never wake them to offer a beverage. I will just skip right over them and go to the next passenger, row etc. I seriously don't mind getting you something to drink once you wake up, just ask. Or if the seat belt sign in on and the flight attendants are not in the middle of eating in the galley (oh did I just say that) you are more then welcome to come to the galley and ask for a beverage. Just don't hang out back there (we really hate that). Here is what I really cant stand and this is where the "galley dash" comes to mind. A call bell goes off in the cabin, I go to the row to assist. Passenger asks for a Diet-whatever. I go to the galley and get it. I come back and the person next to him/her says "oh Ill have a Diet-whatever too". Here is what I am thinking, WTF why did you ask me when your seatmate asked for a drink? So I don't have to keep going back and forth thru the cabin, like my mother used to tell me "money see money do". I come back with your drink, then the person behind you wants something too. Hello people SPEAK UP. I would rather write down a whole list of stuff, come out with a trey of drinks and hand them to you than make several galley trips. Oh corse I will smile and say your welcome (even when you dont say thank you, i remember my manners). But as soon as I get back to the galley Ill be saying WTF WTF and WTF!!

     While on the subject of beverages I will never forget on a flight back from Las Vegas with my mother. The flight attendant made a general announcement that they were starting the services in coach. Then out of nowhere said ''Our drinks come with ICE, our coffee comes BLACK, you MUST ask BEFORE we make your drink if you wish to have cream/sugar with your coffee and no ice with your drink." Stop right there! I completely understand her frustrations but to say something like that over the PA on a Airbus A-321 where EVERYONE can hear you is just rude. When someone asks for coffee my natural response is "cream/sugar". However some flight attendants don't ask, they just bring you black coffee. The person I am working with this week is like that and then he gets all pissy when someone reaches for the cream and sugar off the cart (different subject for another blog posting). If he had just asked if the passenger would like cream and sugar with the coffee then no one would be reaching on to the cart and he wouldn't be pissed. Same with the "ice". Please I beg the traveling public to say "no ice" BEFORE I make your drink. I cant read minds (even though I try).

Bio-all about this sassy flight attendant.

First of all thanks to everyone who has read my blog so far. I am just getting started and the support on here and twitter has been great. I thought I would set aside a blog and introduce myself to everyone who is reading. Ill just say my first name and it is Krista. I am 24 and from North Carolina. Born and raised in NC and I love it. I started out as a flight attendant when I had just turned 21. I had no clue what I was doing. Since high school the idea of being a fa had been in the back of my mind since probably I was in high school. I didn't pursue the idea until I was about 20 after a extremely bad break up. Ill go back a little further and explain. I had went to a community college after high school. First of all school is NOT for me. I wanted to please my family and try school for a semester. While I was in college a chance to move to Orlando and work for Disney happened. I jumped on that opportunity. I am so glad I did I have no regrets about that. While I was down there working and having the time of my life I did meet a guy and we really hit it off. At the time I was 19 and I had thought oh my gosh I have met my soul mate and I am going to get my Disney happily ever after. The fall of 2007 hit pretty hard with the relationship. Out of no where he just left me. The first love of my life just up and gone. A couple of days later he was already dating other women. Ok WTF?! I was extremely hurt and had no other way of dealing with the pain. I have never ran away from anything in my life, I never ran away from home when I was younger. A week after he left me I did the unthinkable. I packed everything I had into my small car and at midnight started driving back to NC. For most of the trip I cried. I had such a fun job at Disney world and I just up and left. After getting back to my mothers house and being unemployed she gave me 2 options. Go back to school or get a job, Well I didn't want to go back to school. So I started looking for jobs, Not much luck as far as full times with benefits. So the idea came back in my head well hey I am going to go be a flight attendant. I am really going to do it. So I started searching and searching for a flight attendant job. I had no clue again what I was doing. If anyone starting out in the industry trying to find a flight attendant job is HARD. I found out about a open house in my home town for a airline (that no longer exists btw) well about 400 people showed up for this open house. So I wasn't the only one who wanted to be a flight attendant. I kept searching for other airlines. I did find out about another open house so I decided to go to that one. It was for a commuter airline out of Phoenix. I was the only person who showed up. About a week later I found out that I had gotten the job. YAY I am going to be a flight attendant.....OMG I am going to be a flight attendant!!! And that's when my career started. I cant say anything bad about this company because they gave me my start. I am with a different airline at the time, its still a commuter airline but I love the aircraft and for the most part I do like the company I work for, In the past 3 years I have been based in Chicago ohare, Washington Dulles, Charlotte, Philly and now my home town of Greensboro. Which is awesome I love being based in the town I grew up in. I live with my faience 2 birds a cat and a fish. As you can tell my love life has turned around. My sassy attitude just comes natural. I have always been that way. I have always been the one to tell it like it is and I don't hold back. It has been hard to hold back from telling passengers what I really think about what is going on. But I do love my job and I want to keep it, My goals are set very high and I hope to one day work for every ones favorite airline flying the magic school bus. If you haven't figured that out then I am not sure what to tell you. As I heard on a awesome podcast that if you can make it past 5 years as a flight attendant then you will probably be doing it for the long haul. Well I am at 3 years and I plan on doing this for a while. A long while! Again thanks for everyone who reads. I am on twitter thesassyfa or my email is thesassyfa@yahoo.com.

P.E.D Peeve and AARP

      Shouldn't that say "Pet" peeve?  No I wrote it correctly and for those of you wondering what PED stands for, it means Portable Electronic Device.  I am not one to argue with current technology, some of the stuff out there is great.  However what kills me is the fact that 99.999% of passengers forget that there are different rules when it comes to flying. "Electronic books" for example,  the title says it all its ELECTRONIC, it must be turned off for the first portion of the flight.  Oh so your going to argue with me now? "That's my book I am reading!!"  Ok I understand that however the FAA doesn't.  In my book of rules I am to make sure all electronic equipment is turned off.  If I don't do my job, ill loose it.  Kudos to passengers who seriously try to find way to use PEDs when they know they are not suppose too.  On a flight not too long ago I was doing on of my pre departure cabin compliance checks.  I noticed a gentlemen holding the in flight magazine but when I walked by him he would quickly close it and look out the window.  That right there is a red flag.  So I walked away again and looked back.  This guy had propped his nooke kindle whatever in the in flight magazine making it look like he was reading the magazine when he was really using a PED.  I turned around.  Busted!!  Do you think I was born yesterday?  Do you think your the only person trying to sneak around the rules?  I just asked him to turn it off.  He looked at me like I had 3 heads and I spoke french.  Yes you I said turn off your electronic device!  Another personal favorite of mine is the ever so popular (especially with men) is texting from your crotch.  Yes I am serious!  I cant tell you how many times TODAY alone I caught passengers with their backberry iphone or whatever between their legs and watching them text.  Besides the fact your trying to draw attention to your crotch area I can see what you are doing.  Again I wasn't born yesterday.  I have been a flight attendant for 3 years I know what to look for.  I can tell when a passenger is annoyed by me telling them to turn your phone off, no all the way off.  But seriously if passengers would listen to the announcements and do as they are told, I wouldn't have to come around and baby sit you.  No phone call or text is THAT important!  If it is then lets go back to the terminal and you can take a later flight. 

     Now for a more funnier situation that happened today.  A record number (at least for me) of 6 seat duplications happened today. I was working in the back galley today and a girl about my age came back and said there is someone in my seat.  I told her just to hang out back here and we will get it sorted out once everyone is on board.  A couple of minutes later 2 more passengers came back and told me the same thing.  Okkkk this is odd but just hang tight and we will get this matter settled.  4 more passengers come to the back demanding answers on why their seats were taken.  Again I said we will get this figured out once everyone is on board.  One passenger said well what happens if there is no more seats.  I just told all 6 of them (mind you this is in my back galley where 2 people alone in there is a tight fit) to hang tight we will get this figured out when a gate agent comes on board the aircraft.  A little old lady (cute as could be) pulled out her boarding pass and AARP card and explained to me that its very important for her to get to XXX today for XYZ reason.  Woah, stop right there.  This grandma pulled out her AARP card?!  If she pulled out a $100 bill that would have been different but the AARP card?!  At that point the gate agent came on and said take any open seat.  All 6 found seats for the flight and no one was denied boarding.  A sassy bit of advice: Don't show me your AARP card!

It's not rocket science....

I probably have the most amusing job on the planet. I secretly laugh at a lot of things I see everyday. Probably the most fun in the lavatory door. Granted all planes are different, most standarderd lav doors just need to be pushed open or pulled open. The one on my aircraft has a typical door knob, like the one at home. I suppose the people at Embraier wanted to make things simple for us "stupid Americans". It never fails while boarding at least one person will come to use the airplane lav, first off why the heck would you wait until boarding the aircraft to use the lavatory?!!! I can understand if you had to run across the terminal to make this connection, but seriously if anyone who has time to use the restroom out in the terminal before boarding I strongly recommend using that one. Those restrooms are so much cleaner, I'll be honest I do not and seriously will never clean a airplane lav. I hate going in there to wash my hands. The lavs get cleaned at the end of the day. So if that plane flew 6 segments, think about all the people who went in there. Yuck!! Again I say please use the terminal restrooms. Ok getting back to the funny part. The other day a lady came to the back galley to use the lav. She looked at me ( while I was eating and reading) and said ok which door? Well let's see (yes I said this to her) you have door number one (2L-the left exit) door number two (the lav door) and door number three (2R), pick one and I hope you pick the right one because I am not coming after you. She looked at me and after a long pause (I guess she was really thinking about this one) she laughed and said oh I get it! She looks at the lav door and knocks on it. I said there is no one in there. She looked at me again and pulled on the door knob. Looking at me again she said there is someone in there it's locked. No sweetie it's a door knob just open the door. Confused she figured out how to open the door, the rest was up to her because I wasn't going to help. It's so common for passengers to pull on the door knob, I'm not sure why but have at it! You will be pulling on the door for a long time! Another sassy moral for the story is, use caution when opening the lav door maybe read the sign that says push or pull so the flight attendants won't laugh at you!

FYI the seat back pocket is not a trash can....

It's the most common thing when cleaning up after a flight. No matter how many times us flight attendants walk thru the cabin with a trash bag, trash still ends up in the seat back pocket. I always ask passengers, "can I take your newspaper?", "can I take your empty coke bottle?". Sometimes they will hand me their trash, but most of the time the response is "no I am taking my newspaper with me." The newspaper ok I can understand but when I ask for your empty coke bottle and you tell me you are taking it with you...I'm thinking bull s**t! I can't put my finger on the reason some passengers don't want to hand me their garbage out of the seat back pocket. It's your trash, you put it there, just hand it to me!! I get really ticked off when I ask for someones trash and they say "no I am taking it with me" and then while I am cleaning up the trash is still there! The purpose of a seat back pocket is to hold reading material, such as the required safety information card. The airlines will also put the in flight magazine and everyones favorite SkyMall. While I am on the subject of seat back pockets I want to say please don't stow your laptops there. Yes, it's convenient but as my company manual says the seat back pockets are not placarded for weight, therefor only reading material can be placed there. Let's face it, this plane makes a sudden stop while on the runway, those laptops are going to come flying right out. And guess who is going to get hit in the face? ME! I am the one who will be evacuating the aircraft if we have too. I don't want to be knocked in the face with your silly laptop! So folks, the sassy moral of todays story is, don't put your trash in the seat back pocket. Don't put your laptop or anything else there. Just properly stow your items in the over head bin or underneath the seat in front of you.

Being awake and flying before the birds.

It's 6:40am on a dark cold morning here in Charlotte NC. The sounds of electric carts (taking passengers with sspecial needs to their gates), high heels on the hard floor, people talking, Starbucks orders being placed fill the air (where is my iPod?!). I'm tried! That's all I have to say about being up so darn early. I am not a morning person buts it's the price I pay to do what I love. Sitting in the airport is for sure not a favorite thing to do, unless it's Chicago Ohare. For some reason the most interesting people travel thru Ohare and it makes people watching fun. Time for a quick power nap before more flying!

Size matters!

     I know what your thinking, hey don't judge me!  But in this case size does matter.  Today at work the battle was the carry on verses the over head bin.  It should be simple, you board, you fly, you deplane.  Not so much!  Most airlines charge a check bag fee, not only does it make my job harder it puts stress on the poor overhead bin (which by the way do have a weight limit but hey who weighs their carry on bag anyway?). Since the airlines charge per bag most passengers choose to carry on.  Before I became a flight attendant I would always check my bag.  Its less for me to carry, but most passengers have a fear their luggage will be lost, or they don't want to pay the fee, or both.  It seems like the average traveler who doesn't travel once a week for business, packs everything but the kitchen sink.  While working today I got the typical "wow this plane is really small".  The plane I work on isn't small or big, its just right. All carry on bags fit in the overhead bin, when packed correctly.  If the bag is still too big, its getting checked (don't hollar at me its the FAA who decides this!). Yep its going outside, under the plane, and you will (I promise) see it again in baggage claim.  Yes I said it baggage claim.  However, the trick to making bag fit is taking  few things out.  Sometimes a shoe or big coat stuffed inside the bag makes the bag too wide for the overhead, so if you take something out your bag will more then likely fit.  Size matters!  Its not the plane that is too small, your carry on is too big!