Getting off on the wrong foot

Getting off on the wrong foot with your flight attendants is not a smart move.  Regardless if the flight is 30 minutes or 8 hours.  Coming on board with a bad attitude isnt a good idea since the flight attendants are the ones who guide safety, beverages and all that.  If things start out bad he/she will remember that about you.  Then that person becomes the topic of galley gossip.  Not only where you an ass to that one flight attendant but the rest of the crew will soon learn who you are.  Just be nice and play by the rules.  If we ask you to do something just do it.  The FAA has regulations they want the flight attendants to inform everyone about.  If we are ask you to do something it's because your out of regulation.  

So today this lady came on with her baby and asked me if the flight was full and like most flights we were going to be full.  She didn't like that. She didn't want to be uncomfortable with her baby and husband.  Of corse the solution to that is buy another seat.  Having boarded first she had plenty of time to change her baby's diaper before the door closes.  Did she? No! She complained to her husband how the plane was too small a d they don't have room and blah blah blah.  While taxiing out to the runway she put her tray table down and props the little one on it to change his fucking diaper.  Lady your just nasty! People use the table to eat off of.  Would you change your little one on your kitchen table? Hell no!  Later on while I am eating my salad she try's to hand me the dirty diaper.  Seriously? I am eating my one meal I am going to have today.  I am not taking your kids dirty diaper. Of corse this mom is a classy mom and pops her boob out to fed him with no blanket. The child and her both fall asleep and her boob is still hanging out of her shirt.  Have some respect lady! For yourself and everyone around you.  Of corse the husband gets upset when everyone passing to use the lav looks at her tit.  Cover it up no one wants to see that.

My airline assigns seats to everyone so it's expected you take your assign seat.  This spoiled bitch with her fake designer purse decides she is going to sit up front, her seat assignment was in row 12 but she didn't feel like walking back there.  A very tall male passenger boarded and said that someone was in his seat, his seat was where little miss prissy had chosen to sit.  She told him that she got on first and it was her choice to sit there and that he would have to take her seat in row 12. Nope doesn't work like that on my airline, last I checked the side of my plane doesn't say Southwest. She refused to move.  It got down to the point where we gave her 2 options.  Move to your assigned seat or take another flight.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone move so quickly! 

Alcohol lies and bad overnights

I've been taking a break from the blog world and social network.  Hey I am back! The past few weeks have been hell.  My personal life with co workers has been completely trashed.  But I always told myself I am not here to make friends, I am here to do a job.  I just happen to be friends with co workers.  This isn't high school (well sometimes it feels like it minus report cards) where I have to worry about fitting in.  Because people from my company know about my blog and for the protection of myself and the ones involved I can not write about what happened.  I've been sworn to keep this on a need to know bases.  

I used to really wonder why so many people don't go out on layovers.  I can understand the saving money part. Now I completely understand why so many people choose to slam click.  I had a very bad overnight.  Alcohol got way out of hand and feelings were hurt.  Friendships were broken and ruined. Of corse I wish none of this ever happened but the past is the past.  I am putting this behind me as we speak. 

Advice to the ones like me who love to go out on overnights.  I am the party girl.  I am almost certain that's what I am known for.  If you drink be legal by your company to consume alcohol. If you go out with the crew make sure it's people you REALLY trust.  Be aware of what is said and done.  Always know a exit path.  Don't be scared to ask for help.  Ok enough of this depressing lecturing shit.  Next blog please!  

Things to do on layovers!

Besides sleep......

If your hotel is near a car dealership go test drive a fun car.  Yes you may get the sales pitch but who cares.  It's a free ride around your location and you never know what you may find! 

Check out local bands.  If your layover time permits and your in a downtown location go to a near by bar or pub if a local band is performing a gig.  I've done this before and the people I met were amazingly nice.  Good or bad music you can really never go wrong with a local band.

Eat at a local diner.  You can eat mcdonalds any where but if a town has a diner or a dish they are known for try something different.  The idea for this came about when I was watching the tv show man vs food.

Take a tour.  For example Atlanta visit the coke faculty or weather channel or CNN. Seattle visit the boeing museum. Boston visit Fenway park.  The list of tours goes on and on!

Sing karaoke!  Something about being away from home and being in front of people you will never see again takes my stage fright away.  Of corse a shot of liquid courage is always a plus!

Get a tattoo.  Well maybe your not the tattoo type but I am.  I have five and want more.  I had a overnight in Austin and the entire crew got tattoos!  No regrets there.  

Visit a theme park.  Of corse this is for the roller coaster types and if your layover is long enough.

This list is just a few things I have done on layovers.  I love my rest and sometimes I just slam click but for the times I dont I take full advantage of my layover.  Big cities and little towns are always Full of any excitement you just have to find it! Get to know your crew better and meeting locals is fun.  Of corse this list goes on and on!  Get out and be creative

Stressful flying partner

     Its been a very stressful week in the skies for me.  On the aircraft I work on only two flight attendants are required.  So we of course work very close as a team with just the two of us.  For the most part its nice but about ten percent of the time I get a person who just doesn't work as a team or just doesn't do the job by the manual as instructed.  I am not perfect by any means so before anyone thinks that I am 100% by the book 24/7 this is just my rants and vents.  By the book I mean by the flight attendant manual (FAM).  On the first day I met my flying partner she was already on the plane before me and had made herself comfortable in the position that I had planned on working that day.  According to my FAM the senior flight attendant will decided where they wish to work.  I had told her that I wish to be flight attendant A today (front position).  In a very senior base like mine its unusual that I get to decide where I work being that I am a pretty junior line holder.  With that said she just looked at me and said oh OK well I thought since you were senior you would work the B position (aft galley).   I told her to never assume where the senior person wants to work, always ask.  At least that is what I do.  Since we were on a 3 day trip I told her we could switch every day.  Not all flight attendants in the company see it that way but it drives me crazy to be in the same position everyday for a paring.  

        This flight attendant is fairly new but has been out of class long enough to know the rules.  She was all over the place and complained about everything.  And when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING!  Venting is OK but when you cant find anything positive about your job, maybe this isn't the job for you.  Of course we all vent about that one passenger who wont get off the phone or but their seat back up for landing.  While I performed the safety demo she read the demo from the aft galley.  But she didn't read the demo in order they way its suppose to be so it threw me off my retinue, which made ME look like a fool in front of the passengers.  I have close to 4 years flight attendant experience, she has 6 months.   I don't like looking stupid in front of my cabin.  I asked her why she kept skipping portions of the safety demo and her answer was oh I kept loosing my place while reading.  While I have no response to that I kept thinking maybe you should read over whats written in the manual, take your time while announcing the demo and you should be fine.  The demo is nothing to joke around about, this is really important info!

     I always give the B flight attendant space to set up for the beverage service.  Some of our flights are short but over 200 miles and we have to do a full beverage service.  On a 37 minute flight and 86 passengers to serve there is really no time to waste.  I usually wait until the plane levels off before attempting to drag a 200 pound cart into the cabin.  I like to work smart, not hard!  I go to the back to try and help out and she is sitting down reading a book.  In the nicest way possible I said we need to prepare the cart and brew the coffee etc.  She continued to read her book so I started to brew the coffee and get the cart sat up.  Finally she put her book down and said to me that she was going to get that done.  Of course I am thinking no your not but its OK we are all set and ready to go.  Passenger interaction is great especially on long flights.  This wasn't a long flight so the service had to be fast.  She didn't think of it that way.  While I got about 6 rows done she had served 4 drinks.  She was too busy flirting with all the male passengers.  We moved the cart and again I had finished about 6 or 7 rows and she was still talking to the first row she had started on.  Come on lady your not on a date your are work.  SERVE SOME DAMN BEVERAGES!!!!  This entire trip was nothing but full loads and short flights with beverage services.  As you can image I was getting very tired of pulling my own weight and some of hers.

     The first day of the trip we had to report at the airport very early so by the time we got to the hotel for our layover I was very tired from doing double duty and being up at 3:30am.  All I wanted to do was nap or just sleep off the entire layover.  She wanted to do out for dinner and drinks.  I told her maybe and if I am up for it ill call her room.  I was taking such a good nap and then the room phone rang.  ERRRRAHH back to nap I go.  An hour later I hear *BANG BANG BANG* on my door.  Its a bad nightmare that wont go away.  I got up to look out the peephole and it was her.  At this point I just ignored it and she went away.  What part of I am taking a nap and I don't plan on leaving the hotel room until tomorrow didn't she understand?!

      The complying continued  on the way to the airport the next day.  She was on the phone with her kid and when she hung up she was crying.  I asked her what was wrong (I wish I didn't!) and she said she is missing her sons baseball game.  Then she said its not right how she is never home with her kids, she hates hotel life and wants to be home every night.  Well I am not sure if you realize this or not but your a flight attendant which requires you to travel 100% of the time and be away from home for days.  If you hate it that much then quit or wait about 10 years until you can be the number one line holder and get whatever you want.  She will probably quit in 3 months.  

     I know this blog is getting seriously long, and if you have made it this far without staring off into space then I thank you for reading!  By day three of our trip I have had it and refused to pull more weight then I had too.  As far as compliance checks  I did my portion of the plane same with cleaning up I only cleaned what I was suppose to do.  I HATE doing that, we are a team we should work together but if I showed her that I would do her share of things she would slack off and get lazy.  You do your half and Ill do mine from now on its SOP standard operating procedures.  I really hate that because I love working as a team.  I want to show the passengers that flight attendants can still be pleasant despite what is thrown in front of us everyday. I want people to see I love my job and take some pride in it.  I feed off other peoples energy and when there is nothing but negative energy it brings me down.  If there is something I can say to everyone that's a part of any type of crew its play your part in the team, there is seriously no I in TEAM!   

The ones up there.

Can't fly with them,and you can't fly with out them.  You love to hate them and hate to love them.  They are only good for one thing, flying the airplane.  Most have little to no personality.  Only a door separates them from the rest of the world.  If you haven't guessed what I am talking about, it's the pilots.  Don't get me wrong,  most of our pilots in our small base are great.  But by day 3 or day 4 of a trip I can't stand them.  It's all laughs and jokes on the first day but closer to the end of a trip I want to slap them.  This one I am working with now. It's his last trip with my company so I wanted to be nice.  On day one of our trip I made cupcakes as he requested.  I didn't make ONE cupcake I made the entire batch.  Like anyone else would.  I bring them to him, I got a thanks but what am I suppose to do with these.  What the heck dude, you asked for cupcakes so I brought them too you.  I even called him the day before the trip to see if I could bring them by his apartment so he wouldnt have to carry them around.  Well he doesnt think like I do so he said no just bring them when we start the trip.  So I got to listen to him whine about carrying the cupcakes.  He later smashed them into his lunch box.  Your welcome and that's the last time I bring baked goods on a trip.  

Earlier today the cabin smelled like pee and I couldn't stand the smell.  After the passengers got off I sprayed some air freshener.  My captain asked me if I had sprayed something and I told him yes and why.  A few minutes later he said to never do that again because it's offensive.  The cabin smelling like pee is offensive.  I made it smell better so the passengers wouldn't complain. I know I am not the only flight attendant who keeps air freshener in their bag.

On our way to canada tonight the first officer began to bug me again.  I'm good about giving the flight deck crew the paper work for customs.  However I was busy doing my FAA related duties and the fo just couldn't wait any longer for the paper work.  So he tries to go thru my stuff and I told him not too.  Just be patient and I will give it too you when i have a chance.  Being the adult baby he is bugged me until he got his way.  Yes this is the same fo who I made cupcakes for!  Not to mention all day the crew never had a chance to get off the plane and eat.  Before our flight to Canada he ran off the plane to get himself dinner, did he offer to get anyone else dinner? No because he always thinks about him and no one else.  Again this guy is leaving our company to go fly else where.  Which is probably a good thing because he slept or attempted to sleep with most of the flight attendants in base.  And when there is only 43 flight attendants in base, word gets around fast.  So good for him for running away!

Something smells

And it's not the lav!  It's a smell of burning rubber.  I was working in the back galley and it happened on the ground (thank god) in Sarasota FL right before boarding to go back to Washington DC.  Clearly it's not a normal smell so I informed the other flight attendant, who agreed the smell wasn't normal.  We informed the captain who wanted to get it checked out right away.   5 hours later the flight cancels and the company sent our own mechanics down on another flight since the contract mechanic couldn't find where the smell was coming from.    After wasting away on a airplane for 5 hours and being hassled by the ground crew we were all tired.  A well deserved cold brew by the pool was a must!  I am so thankful of this wonderful crew.  I always wonder who I will be working with when I pick up trips out of base.  Oh yeah I forgot to mention this entire four day trip was open time (flying on my days off).  As all airlines we have a few bad apples and no one wants to fly with them. But this crew is awesome!  So this morning we repositioned the plane back to DC (revenue flight with no passengers-"repo").  Repo flights are always fun, it's nice to see the pilots fly the plane and we get to relax or sleep in my case.  We lost a bunch of flying because of this but this is all extra flying for me so I don't mind! 

Grow up

Grow up!!

I never liked this gate agent from the moment I met her but since she works in my home base I deal with it and only talk to her when I have too. Until last Monday, she was working my flight and everything was going smoothy.  One of the last passengers to board came on with a picture frame in a box.  The box was too wide for the overhead bin and since he was in the bulkhead, I needed to find a place for it.  He told me his mother had passed away and this picture was very important.  Say no more, I completely understand.  There was another agent in the jet bridge checking bigger bags since we had no more space in the overhead.  I asked him to gate check this item so the passenger could have it back and not have to go to baggage claim.   The agent in the jet bridge was new and so he asked the agent boarding the flight at the gate if he could do that.  She said no we can't but clearly on the valet tag it says oversized pictures/frames.  However she still said no, which wasn't nice.  I ended up moving the passenger so the frame could fit underneath the seat in front of him.  I had to the agent in the jet bridge that we can gate check frames.  After that we closed the door and left.

Yesterday I got a phone call from my base manager.  She said she had gotten a complaint from a gate agent about how unprofessional I was.  Her letter said I had called her a bitch in front of passengers and stowed the picture frame in the bathroom.  First of all, how does she know what I said she was at the gate the entire time and never came down to the plane.  She turned me in base on what the other agent that was in the jet bridge had told her.  I am not sure why this guy would twist the story around but he is a new agent and with this attitude he won't last long.  So now the station manager and my supervisor think the agent and I should have a meeting to work our feelings out.  Here's the deal, I don't like this agent and I never will.  But I will work with her as I am suppose to do.  She is a big mouth tattle tale as far as I am concerned.  If she wanted the truth she should have come to me and ask me if this was true.  Grow up, if you have a problem with someone work it out with that person, don't be a tattle tale!  I have to remind myself sometimes that I am not in grade school anymore, even though it feels like it!

Random acts of kindness

Random acts of kindness, loves it!! Today I had picked up sone flying out of my base so I had to get up super early to start my day of flying.  I arrive about 2 hours early so I decided to help myself to some coffee.  I hand the cashier a $20 bill and she demanded I give her something small or a credit card.  She was very rude about it and now I am holding up the line looking for my debit card.  The girl behind me told the cashier that she would pay for the coffee.  I asked her about 4 times are you sure? She said it's really no big deal, flight attendants do so much and no one ever does anything for them.  I thanked her and was on my way.  I just couldn't get over how someone didn't mind buying my coffee. Kudos to you girl, you rock!  If you follow me on twitter then you may have seen me venting about this today.  I got a message from dunkin donuts customer care asking for my phone number to do a follow up.  I received a phone call today, the lady i spoke with is sending me a thank you gift for my feedback.  Sweeeet!

Dirty old man

The title says it all.  We have all had that dirty, old man on the plane.  While boarding a flight back to Philadelphia from Atlanta a old man walked to the back galley.  I saw him coming and assumed he was looking for the lav.  He looked at me and I opened the lav door.  People seem to be thrown off by 3 doors in the back.  2 of the doors that say EXIT on them so you would think finding the bathroom would be simple.  Anyway, he looks at me and says thank you, your such a nice young beautiful lady.  Why thank you! Then he caught me off guard as he grabed my hand and kissed it.  Umm ok.   Later on durning the beverage service, lucky me I get to ask him if he would like a drink.  So I asked him if he wanted a drink.  He said well how about a kiss.  I told him I'm sorry but I can't do that.  So he pulls on my arm and told me the guy next to him was gay and if he wasn't he would ask me out.  But since his seat mate was gay and he wasn't he tried to kiss me! Ughhh sick!! I pulled back from his grip on my arm and said NO!! I showed him my one karat dimond engagement ring and said sorry I am taken, do you want something to drink?  He kept blowing kisses at me and said I'll take water.  I gave him his water and he kept blowing me kisses.  Then he started to hit on the other flight attendant I was working with.    While she was collecting trash he grabbed her too!  She later told me that the man smelled like booze.  That's great he was a weird   drunk old man.  

As if my trip this week hasn't been drama filled we take another delay going to Toronto last night.  And it was due to crew availability.  If you read my post from yesterday then you know we had to switch my captain.  The captain that went to key west was coming back up to Philadelphia to meet up with us and go to Toronto.  Turns out his flight from charlotte to Philadelphia was delayed due to a broken airplane (go figure).  My first officer didn't receive word our captain would be late until after we had finished boarding.  It was 8:30 and the captain would arrive until 9:45.   We decided to deplane so the passengers wouldn't be trapped on the plane.  The gate agent made a announcement that all passengers must get off the plane, and to bring their boarding pass and passport with them.  That's when all hell broke loose.  People started yelling at us and demanding free drinks.  You would have thought you were at a sporting event.  I don't mind comping a drink for customer service but not if your demanding I do it.  Doesn't work that way!  My head is spinning from this blog post!  About a hour later we are on our way.  

Today is go home day and I want it to be drama free

Catching up

Catching up

Hello blog world, I've had a lot going on these past few weeks including a death in the family so I haven't been flying much.  The airline news has been a huge buzz the past couple of weeks.  Last week in my home town a private jet went down due to wind and poor visibility.  It crashed into a home killing 2 people on board.  Luckily no one was home when it happened.  The big story is southwest and their hole-ly planes if you will.  While watching some coverage on the news it was said that a few passengers past out including a flight attendant.  Did she forget to secure her own mask before assisting others? And for the few passengers who did pass out, I am sure the next time they fly they will actually listen and pay attention to the safety demo.  I have noticed more passengers watching and listening to the safety demo this week.  Yeah it's good stuff!  It is truly unfortunate to see southwest cancel so many flights for aircraft inspection.  Maybe the FAA has been cutting them too much slack? They have been fined in the past for failing inspections.  We may never know! 

Tonight was very interesting.  Our flight was scheduled for Canada.  The captain with us was just off IOE and new to the aircraft.  To make a long story short when a captain first starts out on a new aircraft there are some things he/she isn't allowed to do.  Our situation was bad weather.  My company had to get another captain to swap with ours.  We call that reassigning.  They replaced our captain with a guy who was suppose to go to Key West.  So as you can imagine this guy was pissed! He was throwing his bags around cussing and yelling in front of the passengers.  Wow dude chill out! I was worried that he was so mad he wouldn't perform his job safely.  Stuff like that just crosses my mind.  After he got settled in off to Canada we go.  It's time to land so we did our thing and took a seat.  It was bad weather here with lots of rain and low clouds.  So what happens next?  Missed approach!  We climbed back up and starting circling.  After about 15 minutes of waiting for conditions to improve we landed safely.  Another successful landing! As my grandfather always told me, take offs are optional and landings are required. I must say the passengers were very kind patient and understanding, which made tonight so much easier.

Airplane mode and purses

Airplane mode is on most smart phones and it's a great idea. I'll put my iPhone on airplane mode when I don't want to be bothered! Most passengers well any that can't be disconnected from their phone fail to understand the point of airplane mode. It's designed to cut off all transmitting functions so you can still play games and read saved emails on the device, it does NOT exempt you from turning off your ELECTRONIC device when asked by the flight attendants. For example I am doing a safety check before take off, I see someone playing the ever so addicting angry birds on their phone. I'll ask the device be turned off for departure. The response I always get is, "it is off" STOP right there!! Clearly the device it's self is not off because you are playing on it. I get it, it's not transmitting a signal however the FARs require any electronic device with a on and off switch be completely turned off for departure and landing. So sorry but you will have to put your device away and maybe read a magazine or look out the window until we reach 10 thousand feet.

Ladies, the purse is a carry on, you carried it on didn't you. Yes it must be stowed! And not in your lap. I'm used to the nasty looks and the eye rolls but I promise your purse will not grow legs and just out of the over head bin or underneath the seat in front of you. And if someone wants to rob your purse, where are they going to go? It's a airplane they can't go far! I thank you!

Effort,it's a good thing

On most days it's the battle of parting with the carry on due to full over head space.  Today was different, way different.  A guy walks on the plane and looks at me and just says his bag won't fit.  I looked at it and said well let's give it a try. He stands in the aisle and just says no over and over. I asked him if he could remove something from the bag. He said well yeah.  Then came the weird silence he just kept looking at me and said well I'm going to check it and pick it up plane side. First off my plane may say express on it but we do not gate check backs for pick up, if it's checked it's going to baggage claim. I explained that one to him and he still told me he was going to pick it up plane side. This guy wasn't getting it, at all! The flight load was very light and there was no reason to be checking bags. So he takes his laptop out the bag and fits it fine into the overhead bin. Then tells me what a inconvenience it was.  Usually it's the other way around. I just smiled and told him that I had saved him a trip to baggage claim when he gets to his finial destination. Ugh your welcome jackass!  

On the other hand I have been putting forth some effort as far as my diet goes.  I decided to go on weight watchers to prepare for my wedding next year.  I started on January 12th of this year and as of today I have lost 11 pounds.  This diet is probably the best for any flight crew member or anyone that does traveling for a living.  It works because you can eat anything!  I am actually really enjoying it and I cannot wait to hit my goal weight.  

I am also putting forth some effort to get better.  Thanks to being around passengers full of bull shit and germs I've been exposed to a nasty bug.  I did go to work today because I thought I was getting over it but as the day went on my voice started to get weaker and weaker.  So now I'm writing this blog sipping hot tea and hoping my voice comes back soon.  I have 4 days off so I'll be spending most of my time in bed and working my other job.  Have a sassy week everyone

Tales of the Tattle Tails

I get it not everyone is going to be a perfect angel on board the aircraft. I know I've told someone over and over to turn off your phone! If someone is in violation of a federal regulation I'm going to correct it. If I miss something well then I guess I'm not doing my job. Some sassy advice, if your seat mate isn't following directions don't tattle tail! That's the person you will be sitting next to for however long the flight is. Don't start out on the wrong foot. If they are texting or using a iPod let ME the flight attendant correct it.  The other day while working in the aft position of my aircraft, a passenger kept looking at me and calling my attention to everything.  The boarding door was still open and passengers were still getting on the plane.  She said to me that her seatmate was on his phone.  I explained to her that he can be on his phone until the boarding door closes.  The door closed and I could hear him telling the person on the phone I love you and will call when I land.  The phone had been turned off.  The lady again said she was not comfortable with her seat mate because he used a phone on a airplane.  We had a open row so I offered it to her (hoping that she would mind her business).  The whole flight it was tattle after tattle after tattle.  More like wining if you ask me!  She kept telling me the person in front of her was using a laptop and iPod.  I once again explained to her that when a plane is at its cruising altitude electronic equipment such as that can be used.  I  broke down and asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about or that I can do to make her flight more enjoyable.  She told me she has not flown since the 1970s and had no clue what she or anyone else was doing.  I smiled and told her not to worry about anything, I am here for your safety.  I asked if I could get her anything and she said well yes I want the strongest bloody marry you can make.  She had her bloody marry and slept for the rest of the flight.  Thank God for Vodka!!

Questions that flight attendants hate!

These are a few questions I hate as a flight attendant.  The answers are of my own thoughts.  Thanks for everyone on facebook who contributed to this blog.

Can I sit in first class?

Where do I start with that? First of all that's rude! If a upgrade is rightfully yours I or the gate agent will come and get you from your seat in coach. When I did work on a aircraft that has first class I used to get really annoyed when non revs would ask me for a upgrade. At this code share I worked on if you wanted first class you listed for it and then you had to pay for it. So let me get this straight when you walk on you want to sit in first class and not pay for it but when I travel I have to pay for first class? Wrong! So just don't ask. Besides us flight attendants really don't have the authority to upgrade so just don't ask the answer will be no!

Is this your normal route?

All though it is a good conversation started I don't like that question. One reason I love my job is because every day is different. If I did the same route every day 5 days a week I would HATE my job! So that's the only reason I don't like that question

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in every city?

What do I look like a slut to you? No!  I can't answer that for every flight attendant but me personally no.

What hotel are you staying at for your layover here in ___ city?

First of all that's creepy! For the security of my crew and myself I am not going to answer that. I'll more then likely lie to you. If you insists on wanting to buy me a drink because I am such a cool and great flight attendant just give me cash!

Are you going to hold my connecting flight?

I honestly cannot answer that question because that is up to the ground operations and the airlines. A lot of factors go into delaying a flight. In most cases on my airline the agents are usually good about backing the connections, meaning if the original flight is missed another flight will be available. The sassy answer is "yes" all connections will be made so I am left alone to do my job which is safety!

What's the score of the game?

Umm we are cruising at 35000 feet, I have no idea! Purchase the wifi and find out (if the aircraft is equipped). Now I've flown with some pilots who will keep up with a big game like the super bowl or world series. I've had some make announcements in flight and the passengers get a kick out of it. But in all seriousness please don't ask that question.

Why didn't you tell us before we got on the plane that we were going to be stopped by ATC?

Air Traffic Control is God. They do what they want when they want and how they want. Usually a ground delay will most likely happen while taxiing out to the runway usually for weather and/or flow. Seriously nothing can be done and because of so much fuss this is where the ground delay program was born.

Can you get me there faster?

Sure, I will need you to go behind the plane and push.  We are doing the best we can people but if weather or air traffic is a factor in travel then you should have planned ahead.  On a snowy and foggy day in PHL we were on our finial approach into the airport.  It was obvious that we had been placed in a holding pattern.  About 20 minutes later we were still circling.  A call light goes off.   I get up to see what was going on.  When I got back to the passenger he looked at me with a straight face and starts yelling how the pilots need to tell everyone why we have not landed yet.  I could understand his frustration however the reality of it was THE PILOTS WERE FLYING THE PLANE.  I looked at him and said "this may come as a shock to you but the pilots are flying the airplane in bad weather, they are a little busy at the moment trying to land us safely."  He demanded a update from the flight deck.  At that point we were in sterile cockpit  (under 10000 feet) and I sure as heck wasn't going to call unless we had a emergency.  He didn't seem to quite understand that the pilots were flying the plane. 

Can I go to the bathroom?

I don't know, can you?  If the seat belt sign is on that's all I a going to tell you. I cannot stop you from using the bathroom, then again I cant give you permission to get up when the seat belt sign is on.  Don't ask just go to the bathroom!  We can remind you over and over the seat belt sign is on.  Inform not force. 

Galley dash

     No this isn't a game. It could just be me or maybe it is a game to the traveling public. When I was in training for my first airline, we were told to never wake a sleeping passenger for a beverage unless other wise requested. I have always gone with that. If anyone has the appearance of sleeping I never wake them to offer a beverage. I will just skip right over them and go to the next passenger, row etc. I seriously don't mind getting you something to drink once you wake up, just ask. Or if the seat belt sign in on and the flight attendants are not in the middle of eating in the galley (oh did I just say that) you are more then welcome to come to the galley and ask for a beverage. Just don't hang out back there (we really hate that). Here is what I really cant stand and this is where the "galley dash" comes to mind. A call bell goes off in the cabin, I go to the row to assist. Passenger asks for a Diet-whatever. I go to the galley and get it. I come back and the person next to him/her says "oh Ill have a Diet-whatever too". Here is what I am thinking, WTF why did you ask me when your seatmate asked for a drink? So I don't have to keep going back and forth thru the cabin, like my mother used to tell me "money see money do". I come back with your drink, then the person behind you wants something too. Hello people SPEAK UP. I would rather write down a whole list of stuff, come out with a trey of drinks and hand them to you than make several galley trips. Oh corse I will smile and say your welcome (even when you dont say thank you, i remember my manners). But as soon as I get back to the galley Ill be saying WTF WTF and WTF!!

     While on the subject of beverages I will never forget on a flight back from Las Vegas with my mother. The flight attendant made a general announcement that they were starting the services in coach. Then out of nowhere said ''Our drinks come with ICE, our coffee comes BLACK, you MUST ask BEFORE we make your drink if you wish to have cream/sugar with your coffee and no ice with your drink." Stop right there! I completely understand her frustrations but to say something like that over the PA on a Airbus A-321 where EVERYONE can hear you is just rude. When someone asks for coffee my natural response is "cream/sugar". However some flight attendants don't ask, they just bring you black coffee. The person I am working with this week is like that and then he gets all pissy when someone reaches for the cream and sugar off the cart (different subject for another blog posting). If he had just asked if the passenger would like cream and sugar with the coffee then no one would be reaching on to the cart and he wouldn't be pissed. Same with the "ice". Please I beg the traveling public to say "no ice" BEFORE I make your drink. I cant read minds (even though I try).

Bio-all about this sassy flight attendant.

First of all thanks to everyone who has read my blog so far. I am just getting started and the support on here and twitter has been great. I thought I would set aside a blog and introduce myself to everyone who is reading. Ill just say my first name and it is Krista. I am 24 and from North Carolina. Born and raised in NC and I love it. I started out as a flight attendant when I had just turned 21. I had no clue what I was doing. Since high school the idea of being a fa had been in the back of my mind since probably I was in high school. I didn't pursue the idea until I was about 20 after a extremely bad break up. Ill go back a little further and explain. I had went to a community college after high school. First of all school is NOT for me. I wanted to please my family and try school for a semester. While I was in college a chance to move to Orlando and work for Disney happened. I jumped on that opportunity. I am so glad I did I have no regrets about that. While I was down there working and having the time of my life I did meet a guy and we really hit it off. At the time I was 19 and I had thought oh my gosh I have met my soul mate and I am going to get my Disney happily ever after. The fall of 2007 hit pretty hard with the relationship. Out of no where he just left me. The first love of my life just up and gone. A couple of days later he was already dating other women. Ok WTF?! I was extremely hurt and had no other way of dealing with the pain. I have never ran away from anything in my life, I never ran away from home when I was younger. A week after he left me I did the unthinkable. I packed everything I had into my small car and at midnight started driving back to NC. For most of the trip I cried. I had such a fun job at Disney world and I just up and left. After getting back to my mothers house and being unemployed she gave me 2 options. Go back to school or get a job, Well I didn't want to go back to school. So I started looking for jobs, Not much luck as far as full times with benefits. So the idea came back in my head well hey I am going to go be a flight attendant. I am really going to do it. So I started searching and searching for a flight attendant job. I had no clue again what I was doing. If anyone starting out in the industry trying to find a flight attendant job is HARD. I found out about a open house in my home town for a airline (that no longer exists btw) well about 400 people showed up for this open house. So I wasn't the only one who wanted to be a flight attendant. I kept searching for other airlines. I did find out about another open house so I decided to go to that one. It was for a commuter airline out of Phoenix. I was the only person who showed up. About a week later I found out that I had gotten the job. YAY I am going to be a flight attendant.....OMG I am going to be a flight attendant!!! And that's when my career started. I cant say anything bad about this company because they gave me my start. I am with a different airline at the time, its still a commuter airline but I love the aircraft and for the most part I do like the company I work for, In the past 3 years I have been based in Chicago ohare, Washington Dulles, Charlotte, Philly and now my home town of Greensboro. Which is awesome I love being based in the town I grew up in. I live with my faience 2 birds a cat and a fish. As you can tell my love life has turned around. My sassy attitude just comes natural. I have always been that way. I have always been the one to tell it like it is and I don't hold back. It has been hard to hold back from telling passengers what I really think about what is going on. But I do love my job and I want to keep it, My goals are set very high and I hope to one day work for every ones favorite airline flying the magic school bus. If you haven't figured that out then I am not sure what to tell you. As I heard on a awesome podcast that if you can make it past 5 years as a flight attendant then you will probably be doing it for the long haul. Well I am at 3 years and I plan on doing this for a while. A long while! Again thanks for everyone who reads. I am on twitter thesassyfa or my email is thesassyfa@yahoo.com.

P.E.D Peeve and AARP

      Shouldn't that say "Pet" peeve?  No I wrote it correctly and for those of you wondering what PED stands for, it means Portable Electronic Device.  I am not one to argue with current technology, some of the stuff out there is great.  However what kills me is the fact that 99.999% of passengers forget that there are different rules when it comes to flying. "Electronic books" for example,  the title says it all its ELECTRONIC, it must be turned off for the first portion of the flight.  Oh so your going to argue with me now? "That's my book I am reading!!"  Ok I understand that however the FAA doesn't.  In my book of rules I am to make sure all electronic equipment is turned off.  If I don't do my job, ill loose it.  Kudos to passengers who seriously try to find way to use PEDs when they know they are not suppose too.  On a flight not too long ago I was doing on of my pre departure cabin compliance checks.  I noticed a gentlemen holding the in flight magazine but when I walked by him he would quickly close it and look out the window.  That right there is a red flag.  So I walked away again and looked back.  This guy had propped his nooke kindle whatever in the in flight magazine making it look like he was reading the magazine when he was really using a PED.  I turned around.  Busted!!  Do you think I was born yesterday?  Do you think your the only person trying to sneak around the rules?  I just asked him to turn it off.  He looked at me like I had 3 heads and I spoke french.  Yes you I said turn off your electronic device!  Another personal favorite of mine is the ever so popular (especially with men) is texting from your crotch.  Yes I am serious!  I cant tell you how many times TODAY alone I caught passengers with their backberry iphone or whatever between their legs and watching them text.  Besides the fact your trying to draw attention to your crotch area I can see what you are doing.  Again I wasn't born yesterday.  I have been a flight attendant for 3 years I know what to look for.  I can tell when a passenger is annoyed by me telling them to turn your phone off, no all the way off.  But seriously if passengers would listen to the announcements and do as they are told, I wouldn't have to come around and baby sit you.  No phone call or text is THAT important!  If it is then lets go back to the terminal and you can take a later flight. 

     Now for a more funnier situation that happened today.  A record number (at least for me) of 6 seat duplications happened today. I was working in the back galley today and a girl about my age came back and said there is someone in my seat.  I told her just to hang out back here and we will get it sorted out once everyone is on board.  A couple of minutes later 2 more passengers came back and told me the same thing.  Okkkk this is odd but just hang tight and we will get this matter settled.  4 more passengers come to the back demanding answers on why their seats were taken.  Again I said we will get this figured out once everyone is on board.  One passenger said well what happens if there is no more seats.  I just told all 6 of them (mind you this is in my back galley where 2 people alone in there is a tight fit) to hang tight we will get this figured out when a gate agent comes on board the aircraft.  A little old lady (cute as could be) pulled out her boarding pass and AARP card and explained to me that its very important for her to get to XXX today for XYZ reason.  Woah, stop right there.  This grandma pulled out her AARP card?!  If she pulled out a $100 bill that would have been different but the AARP card?!  At that point the gate agent came on and said take any open seat.  All 6 found seats for the flight and no one was denied boarding.  A sassy bit of advice: Don't show me your AARP card!

It's not rocket science....

I probably have the most amusing job on the planet. I secretly laugh at a lot of things I see everyday. Probably the most fun in the lavatory door. Granted all planes are different, most standarderd lav doors just need to be pushed open or pulled open. The one on my aircraft has a typical door knob, like the one at home. I suppose the people at Embraier wanted to make things simple for us "stupid Americans". It never fails while boarding at least one person will come to use the airplane lav, first off why the heck would you wait until boarding the aircraft to use the lavatory?!!! I can understand if you had to run across the terminal to make this connection, but seriously if anyone who has time to use the restroom out in the terminal before boarding I strongly recommend using that one. Those restrooms are so much cleaner, I'll be honest I do not and seriously will never clean a airplane lav. I hate going in there to wash my hands. The lavs get cleaned at the end of the day. So if that plane flew 6 segments, think about all the people who went in there. Yuck!! Again I say please use the terminal restrooms. Ok getting back to the funny part. The other day a lady came to the back galley to use the lav. She looked at me ( while I was eating and reading) and said ok which door? Well let's see (yes I said this to her) you have door number one (2L-the left exit) door number two (the lav door) and door number three (2R), pick one and I hope you pick the right one because I am not coming after you. She looked at me and after a long pause (I guess she was really thinking about this one) she laughed and said oh I get it! She looks at the lav door and knocks on it. I said there is no one in there. She looked at me again and pulled on the door knob. Looking at me again she said there is someone in there it's locked. No sweetie it's a door knob just open the door. Confused she figured out how to open the door, the rest was up to her because I wasn't going to help. It's so common for passengers to pull on the door knob, I'm not sure why but have at it! You will be pulling on the door for a long time! Another sassy moral for the story is, use caution when opening the lav door maybe read the sign that says push or pull so the flight attendants won't laugh at you!

FYI the seat back pocket is not a trash can....

It's the most common thing when cleaning up after a flight. No matter how many times us flight attendants walk thru the cabin with a trash bag, trash still ends up in the seat back pocket. I always ask passengers, "can I take your newspaper?", "can I take your empty coke bottle?". Sometimes they will hand me their trash, but most of the time the response is "no I am taking my newspaper with me." The newspaper ok I can understand but when I ask for your empty coke bottle and you tell me you are taking it with you...I'm thinking bull s**t! I can't put my finger on the reason some passengers don't want to hand me their garbage out of the seat back pocket. It's your trash, you put it there, just hand it to me!! I get really ticked off when I ask for someones trash and they say "no I am taking it with me" and then while I am cleaning up the trash is still there! The purpose of a seat back pocket is to hold reading material, such as the required safety information card. The airlines will also put the in flight magazine and everyones favorite SkyMall. While I am on the subject of seat back pockets I want to say please don't stow your laptops there. Yes, it's convenient but as my company manual says the seat back pockets are not placarded for weight, therefor only reading material can be placed there. Let's face it, this plane makes a sudden stop while on the runway, those laptops are going to come flying right out. And guess who is going to get hit in the face? ME! I am the one who will be evacuating the aircraft if we have too. I don't want to be knocked in the face with your silly laptop! So folks, the sassy moral of todays story is, don't put your trash in the seat back pocket. Don't put your laptop or anything else there. Just properly stow your items in the over head bin or underneath the seat in front of you.

Being awake and flying before the birds.

It's 6:40am on a dark cold morning here in Charlotte NC. The sounds of electric carts (taking passengers with sspecial needs to their gates), high heels on the hard floor, people talking, Starbucks orders being placed fill the air (where is my iPod?!). I'm tried! That's all I have to say about being up so darn early. I am not a morning person buts it's the price I pay to do what I love. Sitting in the airport is for sure not a favorite thing to do, unless it's Chicago Ohare. For some reason the most interesting people travel thru Ohare and it makes people watching fun. Time for a quick power nap before more flying!

Size matters!

     I know what your thinking, hey don't judge me!  But in this case size does matter.  Today at work the battle was the carry on verses the over head bin.  It should be simple, you board, you fly, you deplane.  Not so much!  Most airlines charge a check bag fee, not only does it make my job harder it puts stress on the poor overhead bin (which by the way do have a weight limit but hey who weighs their carry on bag anyway?). Since the airlines charge per bag most passengers choose to carry on.  Before I became a flight attendant I would always check my bag.  Its less for me to carry, but most passengers have a fear their luggage will be lost, or they don't want to pay the fee, or both.  It seems like the average traveler who doesn't travel once a week for business, packs everything but the kitchen sink.  While working today I got the typical "wow this plane is really small".  The plane I work on isn't small or big, its just right. All carry on bags fit in the overhead bin, when packed correctly.  If the bag is still too big, its getting checked (don't hollar at me its the FAA who decides this!). Yep its going outside, under the plane, and you will (I promise) see it again in baggage claim.  Yes I said it baggage claim.  However, the trick to making bag fit is taking  few things out.  Sometimes a shoe or big coat stuffed inside the bag makes the bag too wide for the overhead, so if you take something out your bag will more then likely fit.  Size matters!  Its not the plane that is too small, your carry on is too big!